


death, bulls, time, and taxes

by conksuckboot, daverd, Golden506, Israbelle, WolvesandCats161



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Chaos, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, maniacal laughter courtesy of the authors, non quadrant romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-03 05:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21174434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conksuckboot/pseuds/conksuckboot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/daverd/pseuds/daverd, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golden506/pseuds/Golden506, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Israbelle/pseuds/Israbelle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolvesandCats161/pseuds/WolvesandCats161
Summary: First chapter functions as giving proper credit to all authors.Title is a placeholder, may or may not change as the story goes on.SBURB/SGRUB, if the game went very differently. Full of crack ships and random AUs, and essentially plagiarizing M.C. Escher That's My Favorite M.C.. Except with, like, 5 different authors and a fuck of a lot more chaos.





	1. cover

DEATH, BULLS, TIME, AND TAXES  
BROUGHT TO YOU BY:  
THE DRUNK TODDLER KINNIES

DIRK STRIDER  
[[GOLDEN506](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golden506/pseuds/Golden506)]  
ROXY LALONDE  
[[CONKSUCKBOOT](https://archiveofourown.org/users/conksuckboot)]  
SOLLUX CAPTOR  
[[WOLVESANDCATS161](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolvesandCats161)]  
ERIDAN AMPORA  
[[ISRABELLE](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Israbelle)]  
CRONUS AMPORA  
[[DAVERD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daverd)]

BASED ON THE AMAZING [M.C. ESCHER THAT'S MY FAVORITE M.C.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556322/chapters/23318480) BY [UNDA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unda/pseuds/Unda)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall are in for a fuckin ride


	2. ==> Dave: Rewind

Dave shifts slightly on Tavros’s sofa and listens to his concerns. Set against the wall of the small, cluttered room, Tavros interrupts Dave's explanation. 

TAVROS: uHHH,,,  
TAVROS: i'M, nOT REALLY SURE IF THAT'S, uH, tHE BEST   
TAVROS: cOURSE OF ACTION?,,,,  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: dude what else am i supposed to do  
DAVE: would you rather i stay and leave us all to die  
DAVE: fuck off for a quick trip to the hawaiian islands while yall are on the brink of destruction  
DAVE: like "yeah no biggie ill just fix it later ive got some hot babes in grass skirts to watch"  
DAVE: sippin apple juice out of a fucking coconut while you sink into lava or whatever  
DAVE: watchin all my bros burn to death   
DAVE: mesmerised by the babes rhythmic movements not a care in the world other than what direction my next pina colada will come from  
DAVE: cause you know i cant be ignorant on that if im not on top of my margarita swiping skills then can you even call me dave strider anymore  
DAVE: i think not  
TAVROS: oKAY,  
TAVROS: wELL, iGNORING THE, uH, mARGARITA THING, aND CONSIDERING YOUR TENDENCY TO, tIME TRAVEL, yES THAT WOULD WORK,,  
TAVROS: yOU CAN ACTUALLY, “fIX IT LATER”, bUT NOT ACTUALLY, lATER, i DON’T THINK,,  
TAVROS: rIGHT?  
DAVE: or   
DAVE: i could go back in time now  
DAVE: and get it over with  
DAVE: my point is i have to do it eventually  
DAVE: and i dont see how waiting would be any better than going now  
DAVE: i dont need some legendary piece of shit blade to go and give you my handle  
DAVE: its not a boss battle its givin away my number  
DAVE: if anything youd need special loot to score my handle under normal circumstances  
DAVE: bitches are lining up to challenge me for dick rights  
DAVE: youre real special getting it handed it to you and you didnt even have to ask you get to skip the line you got the call-in delivery app on your phonehusk are you proud when you walk past all the hawaiian babes lined up in a row and wave at them  
DAVE: you go “sorry babes ive got a first class ticket”  
DAVE: they all start crying theyve got family at home theres some missing posters mom doesnt know where her hawaiian daughter went and its all for naught now are you happy  
DAVE: you should be  
DAVE: think of all the families my dick could feed  
DAVE: wait  
TAVROS: wELL i SUPPOSE THAT DOES, mAKE SENSE,,,,  
TAVROS: iF i DON’T THINK ABOUT IT,  
TAVROS: eSPECIALLY IF i DON'T THINK ABOUT, tHE DICK PART,  
TAVROS: pLEASE JUST, cOME BACK SOON, uH, iF YOU CAN DO THAT,,  
TAVROS: wHICH i AM ALMOST CERTAIN YOU CAN,  
DAVE: daww you just want me to come home  
DAVE: dont worry honey ill stay safe just for you  
TAVROS: tHANK YOU, }:)  


He winks at Tavros, shifting away from him and standing up. Dave decaptchalogues his turntables, and pauses with his hands hovering just over the controls.

DAVE: no biggie dude  
DAVE: just remember to make me a sandwich when i get back  
DAVE: put some pineapple on it make that fucker hawaiian  


Fiddling with the hems of his sleeves, Tavros shoots Dave a nervous grin.

TAVROS: rEMEMBER, sTAY SAFE,,   


Dave rolls his eyes, moving his head with them to show the movement with shades on.

DAVE: youre really taking the nagging part of being my loving wifey seriously  
DAVE: dont worry bro i will  
DAVE: and ill stay away from any hot babes i see just for you  
DAVE: no matter how short their grass skirts are  


Dave rests his hands on the turntable slightly, getting ready to scratch.

DAVE: see ya   


A single twist of his wrist, and he’s gone.


	3. ==> Dave: Say hi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi roxy here  
left a meta joke in @ th start just bc
> 
> i asked dirk if he wanted 2 say anythin evil in th notes n he responded w  
"Uh, sure. Gimme a second I have to roleplay Jake shoving his fist down my throat."
> 
> It was an important engagement, alright? Besides, they banned me for being "too weird" and "making people uncomfortable." Cowards. Anyway. I really only have one thing to say:
> 
> Dirkuu is coming.  
^^ see those two above me? they're lame as fuck
> 
> Okay Sollux.
> 
> okay dirk :3c
> 
> ok lameasses

==> Dave: Say hi

DAVE: hi

End of chapter two.

Let’s try that again.

==> Dave: Say hi for real

DAVE: hi

Tavros’s hive, aside from a slightly different collection of detritus littering the floor, is exactly the same as it will be six months in the future. Neither Dave nor Tavros were ever one for renovation.

DAVE: so  
DAVE: im dave  
TAVROS: wHAT,  
TAVROS: wHY ARE YOU, hERE, iN MY HIVE,,  
TAVROS: hOW ARE YOU, eVEN ON, aLTERNIA???  
TAVROS: i DIDN'T KNOW, tHERE WERE ANY IMMIGRANTS, nEARBY,,,  
TAVROS: nO OFFENSE,,  
DAVE: long story short were gonna be best bros in the future  
DAVE: its pretty great actually, our bromance transcends the bounds of space  
DAVE: time really  
DAVE: or both i guess  
DAVE: whatever heres my handle  
DAVE: gotta get going before you call the fuckin cops on me  
DAVE: shit would be tragic  
DAVE: betrayed by my own choice bro before he even was my choice bro  
DAVE: i should tell rose about this shed write an award winning novel or something about it  
DAVE: anyway  
DAVE: bye  
TAVROS: wAIT,,  


Dave, face an impassive mask, turns the records and is gone in an instant, leaving behind a shocked Tavros.

TAVROS: oH, oKAY,,  


He takes a moment to examine the small piece of torn off notebook paper Dave had shoved into his hand. Messily scrawled in red pen is the handle “turntechGodhead.” Making a decision, he turns to his husktop on the coffee table and opens Trollian.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
AT: hELLO,,  
AT: iS THIS DAVE,,,  
TG: nah  
TG: daves dead  
AT: tHAT,,  
AT: dOESNT SOUND, rIGHT,,,  
TG: probably a reason for that  
TG: anyway what can i do for you  
TG: just looking for a piece of hot strider ass  
TG: if so thats understandable i am the primary source of godly ass  
TG: youll have to get in queue though  
TG: dont worry the waits only like a few years  
TG: its worth it if youre willing to wait a couple centuries  
TG: got too many bitches in line yknow  
TG: so many bitches   
TG: foreign bitches skinny bitches smart bitches male bitches take your pick theyre all looking for some grade a strider meat straight from the source  
TG: shaking and crying begging for a little taste groveling to the king   
TG: no way man get back in line look at all these other bitches dont be greedy there are too many babes  
TG: cant be showing favoritism when it comes to bitches that would just be dead wrong imagine all the others gettin cheated out of some fine plush rump because i found love  
TG: think of all these bitches flying across the country for some dick taking bus rides straight to my house and i gotta tell em "sorry babe im taken"  
TG: can you imagine  
TG: all these hot babes leaving their families just for me  
TG: mothers crying and searching for their children  
TG: just to find that i'm already dicking someone down and or getting dicked down  
TG: would be motherfucking tragic  
AT: iM GOING TO ASSUME THAT, tHIS REALLY IS DAVE,,  
AT: aND THAT YOU WERE BEING, DISINGENUOUS,,,  
AT: wHICH STRIKES ME AS, kIND OF RUDE,,  
AT: i AM SOMEWHAT SKEPTICAL, oF OUR STATUS AS, “cHOICE BROS,,”  
AT: aS WAS DESCRIBED, tO ME,,,  
AT: mORE SO THAN i WAS ALREADY, wHICH WAS, cONSIDERABLY,  
TG: woah woah hold up  
TG: are you claiming choice broship to the king  
TG: bold move comma dude  
TG: i dunno man  
TG: its a big step in our budding relationship  
TG: have i had enough time to reflect about life  
TG: are you ready to pop my bro based cherry  
TG: shit man  
TG: were getting philosophical now  
TG: where doing this man  
TG: where making this hapen  
TG: rose would be proud  
AT: i DONT REALLY KNOW IF THIS IS, uH, pHILOSOPHICAL,,,  
AT: iT JUST SEEMS LIKE, a LOT OF WORDS  
AT: tHAT DONT MEAN ANYTHING,,  
TG: lies and slander  
TG: and libel  
TG: wait is libel something different  
AT: i ALSO DONT KNOW, tHIS “ROSE,” tHAT YOU HAVE MENTIONED TWICE, nOW,,  
AT: aLTHOUGH SHE SOUNDS LIKE AN, iNTERESTING INDIVIDUAL,  
TG: damn right she is  
TG: also ive only mentioned her once but whatever  
TG: anyway  
TG: might i beseech thee to uh  
TG: wait what the fuck does that word even mean  
TG: is it like  
TG: asking you something  
TG: i'm trying to ask you how you got my handle  
TG: milord  
AT: ,,,   
TG: aw damn did i ruin the theme  
TG: was it not grovel-y enough   
TG: what with the way i stopped midway through my begging  
TG: here let me try again  
TG: oh please oh please sire  
TG: your magnificence  
TG: your excellency  
TG: how and why do you have my handle  
TG: milord  
TG: better?   
AT: iM NOT SURE, wHY YOU ARE ASKING,  
AT: cONSIDERING THAT YOU GAVE IT TO ME,,,  
AT: oR, SOMEONE THAT CLAIMED TO BE YOU,,  
AT: oH,,,  
TG: hmmm nope cant say i remember you  
TG: so  
TG: how actually did you get my handle  
AT: pLEASE, dON'T CALL ME, uH, cRAZY  
AT: iF i TELL YOU,,  
TG: was it obama  
AT: wHAT,  
TG: oh my god did obama give you my handle  
TG: he totally did didnt he  
TG: ive spent my whole life waiting for this moment  
TG: excuse me while i go hyperventilate over the great o-man deigning to notice me  
TG: when should i expect the press to contact me  
AT: i DIDN’T, sAY THAT,,,  
TG: you dont need to i can feel it  
TG: my mind powers are telling me that you got my handle from the one  
TG: the only  
TG: the obama  
TG: unless  
TG: oh my god mr. president ive wanted to talk to you for so long  
AT: nO, nO, sTOP  
AT: i'M NOT, oBAMA, i'VE NEVER SPOKEN, tO OBAMA  
AT: i'M NOT EVEN ENTIRELY SURE,  
AT: wHO THAT IS,,,  
TG: what  
TG: thats an outrage  
TG: do they not teach you about the big man on hellmurder world  
AT: iGNORING THAT, oFFENSIVE COMMENT,  
AT: hOW DID YOU KNOW, i WAS ALTERNIAN,,   
TG: because you type like a tool  
AT: i, rESENT THAT  
AT: }:(  
TG: hey dont blame me you know its true  
TG: your quirk or whatever the fuck is just  
TG: the tooliest fuckin thing i have ever seen  
TG: sorry not sorry  
TG: cold hard facts up in this bitch  
TG: speaking of cold hard facts  
TG: handle  
TG: how  
TG: assuming it wasnt obama  
AT: i, uHM,,  
AT: fOUND IT ONLINE?  
TG: of course of course  
TG: youre a rabid fan of my hit webcomic and/or film blog  
TG: i gotta ask  
TG: where online  
AT: sOMEWHERE,,  
TG: ok  
TG: thats true  
TG: can you be more specific  
AT: nOT, rEALLY,,,  
TG: what  
TG: ok dude  
TG: you can understand i have a bit of a problem with completely random fans finding my personal handle  
TG: right  
AT: wELL YES,,,  
AT: bUT,,  
TG: so  
TG: where did you get it  
AT: uHHHHHH,,,,  
TG: yes go on  
AT: mY FRIEND SENT IT TO ME,,  
TG: ok  
TG: would you happen to know the name of this friend  
AT: uH,  
AT: dDD  
TG: cmon spell it out for me  
TG: you can do this i believe in you  
TG: you can type out a name  
TG: d...  
AT: uHHHH,,  
AT: dAVID?  
TG: hm  
TG: david  
TG: david what exactly  
AT: dAVID,,  
AT: sMITH?  
TG: ah yes  
TG: the worlds shittiest made up name  
TG: hallmark of non effort and low quality  
TG: well ill just talk to the esteemed david smith about giving my handle to randos  
TG: much as i hate to cut off your allocated strider time  
TG: i gotta go  
AT: wAIT,,  
TG: ollie outie  
TG: got some rapping to do   
turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]  
AT: wAIT  
AT: yOU DO, sLAM POETRY?   
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering adiosToreador [AT]  
TG: you did not just ask  
TG: if the legendary dave strider  
TG: does rap  
TG: or slam poetry its all the same to me im a fuckin multiculturalist  
TG: anyway  
TG: yes  
AT: wELL, i DO TOO,  
AT: aND i WAS WONDERING, iF YOU MAYBE,   
AT: wANT TO, uH, "rAP" TOGETHER  
AT: }:)  
TG: whats your name again  
AT: uH, i NEVER TOLD YOU, iN THE FIRST PLACE,,  
AT: bUT IT'S, tAVROS  
TG: tavros  
TG: tavros  
TG: tavros  
TG: i cant believe you thought you had to ask  
AT: hAHA,   
AT: oKAY,  
AT: wELL,   
AT: i'M SO GOOD, aT DROPPING BEATS,  
AT: yOU COULD CALL ME, dAVE  
AT: };D  
TG: oh my god  
AT: mY BEATS, aRE SO ILL, yOU COULD, uHM, hYPOTHETICALLY,  
AT: aND METAPHORICALLY, cALL THEM A RAVE,,  
AT: (bECAUSE, rAVES ARE, pARTIES i THINK, aND, iT DOESN'T QUITE FIT)  
TG: oh my GOD  
AT: pEOPLE, uH, lOOK AT ME SOMETIMES, aND THINK, wOW, uHM, sEXY  
AT: aND, iGNORING, mY DISABILITY, tHEY STARE, aND i ASK,  
AT: iF THEY LIKE, wHAT THEY SEE,,,  
AT: uHM, mY NAME IS, tAVROS, aND i MAKE PEOPLE GO, lOCO  
AT: (gOOD LOCO NOT, uH, bAD LOCO)  
AT: (bECAUSE THAT WOULD BE, bAD, aND NOT GOOD)  
TG: yeah  
TG: listen kid  
TG: tav i mean  
TG: give me a second  
TG: just a moment to do something real quick  
turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]  
AT: oKAY,,,  
adiosToreador [AT] has ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  


About five minutes later, Tavros receives another notification from Trollian.

turntechGodhead [TG] opened memo on board unbelievable bars factory  
turntechGodhead [TG] invited adiosToreador [AT] to memo on board unbelievable bars factory  
TG: i need backup  
AT: uH,,,  
timaeusTestified [TT] began responding to memo on board unbelievable bars factory  
TT: I hope I'm sufficient backup when it comes to the purposes of producing and distributing unbelievable bars.  
TG: dirk  
TG: your bars are unbelievable in a way much  
TG: much  
TG: much different than tavros'   
AT: iS THAT, aN INSULT,,  
TT: One to ten?  
TG: squarewave with brain damage on easy mode  
TT: I’m going to enjoy this.  
TT: How did you manage to find that kind of sheer talent anyway?  
AT: wAIT, wHAT DOES THAT MEAN,,  
AT: wHO'S SQUAREWAVE?  
AT: iS IT, a COOL HUMAN, "rAPPER",  
TG: sure kid  
TT: He’s definitely one of those.  
AT: uH, nOT TO BE, uM, xENOPHOBIC BUT,  
AT: i AM SURE, yOU HAVE NEVER HEARD, rHYMES THIS,,,  
AT: nASTY, }:)  
TT: Not to be, um, xenophobic but,,,  
TT: You type like a fucking tool.  
AT: i GET THAT, a LOT  
TG: i told you tav  
TG: cold hard facts  
TT: Give us what you got, kid.  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: wELL, iMAGINE, tHE STRICTEST BEATS, tHAT YOU CAN  
TG: god  
TG: i still cant believe this  
AT: tHEY ARE, sO ABSOLUTELY STRICT  
AT: tHESE BEATS, hAVE, uHHH, aDDED MANY RULES  
AT: tO YOUR ROUTINE,,,oOLS  
TT: Holy shit.  
AT: aND YOU HAVE TO, fOLLOW THESE, mANY RULES,,,  
AT: bECAUSE, iF YOU DON'T, yOU'RE GOING TO  
AT: gET IN TROUBLE  
AT: aND WHEN I UHM, cOPULATE, wITH YOUR LUSUS, uGH,,  
AT: iT WILL BE, dOUBLE  
AT: tHEY, hAVE A VERY STRICT RULEBOOK,  
AT: aND, tHEY WILL, gET VERY ANGRY,  
AT: iF YOU BREAK, tHEIR BABIES  
AT: (aS IN, tHE RULES, tHE BEATS', uHM, bABY RULES)  
TG: multicultural  
TG: i like it  
AT: aND IT WOULD BE, uNTOWARD TO BREAK, tHE RULES  
AT: oR THE BEATS WOULD BE, mAD AT YOU,,,S  
TT: Much as I never want this to end, I have to ask.  
TT: Are you actually fuckin seven?  
TT: Years, not sweeps.  
AT: i'M SIX SWEEPS, oLD,,,  
AT: wERE MY RHYMES, cHILL AND STRICT ENOUGH, fOR YOUR LIKING?  
AT: }:DDD  
TT: Dave.  
TG: what  
TT: You must protect this pathetic thing. We can’t let something this awfully hilarious die.  
TG: i mean  
AT: iM NOT, pATHETIC,, }:(  
TT: Sorry dude.  
TG: damn dirk dont make the kid cry  
TG: also hes on a different planet so  
TT: How the fuck has he lived this long on Alternia?  
TG: great question  
AT: aRE YOU, mOCKING MY rHYMES, oR MY DISABILITY,,,  
TG: what  
TT: I suddenly understand everything.  
TT: He’s actually just retarded. It all makes sense.  
AT: tHAT'S, rEALLY NOT NICE,,  
AT: aLSO, nO, i JUST CAN'T REALLY, wALK,,  
TG: good going dirk make fun of the disabled kid  
TG: how dare you  
AT: uH,,,  
TG: i cant believe youd stoop that low man  
TG: making fun of him for something he cant control  
TG: some disabilities are invisible, dirk  
TG: not everyone can rap  
AT: oH,,  
TT: Of course. He’s just a brave, poor soul fighting against his innate inability to lay down some bars.  
TT: It sure as hell isn’t working, but it’s still an inspiring tale.  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began responding to memo on board unbelievable bars factory  
TG: dave  
TG: who IS tihs  
TG: it's my new bffsy4lief  
AT: wAIT  
AT: aRE WE, 'cHOICE BROS,' yET,,,  
TG: absolutely we are  
TG: dirk  
TG: dirk can we keep him  
TT: Hell yeah.  
TT: As if I’d ever let something like this go.  
TT: We’ve got years of entertainment right here.  
AT: iS THAT, a GOOD THING,,  
TT: Objects of my amusement tend to be well taken care of.  
TG: wat was ur naem again?  
TG: tavros?  
TG: tavvy  
TG: trust me  
TG: u dont even kno waht a good thing that is  
AT: uH,,  
AT: i GUESS i WILL, tRUST YOU,,,  
AT: fOR NOW,,  
AT: bECAUSE, i'M A VERY, cONFIDENT AND TRUSTING, pERSON  
AT: aND YOU SEEM, lESS MEAN, sLIGHTLY,,,  
TG: awww  
TG: i think "slightly less mean tahn dirk" is tha best compliment ive evr been given  
TG: tysm tavvy :3c  
AT: i MEANT, dAVE,,  
AT: yOU ARE, wAY LESS MEAN THAN, tt, wHO I ASSUME IS, dIRK  
AT: pERHAPS, sIGNIFICANTLY LESS MEAN  
TT: Gasp.  
TT: Tavros dislikes me?  
TT: It can’t be. My Strider charm has never failed me before.  
TG: you have a very specific brand of strider charm  
tentacleTherapist [TT] began responding to memo on board unbelievable bars factory  
TT: I'm assuming this is something gravely important, considering nearly the entire family has piled into the memo.  
TT: Has someone died? Are we here to announce a corpse party?  
TT: I do know Roxy enjoys a good funeral, and I'm not entirely opposed to the concept myself.  
TG: rose  
TG: it is the most important thing you will ever see in your life  
TT: Give me a moment to read the pesterlog.  
TG: take ur time :3c  
TT: Rude.  
AT: uH,, wAIT  
AT: rOSE?  
AT: lIKE, kANAYA'S mATESPRIT?  
AT: sORRY, i MEAN, uH "Friend From The Knitting Forum"  
TT: Both of those are accurate descriptors, in a way.  
TG: wait, rose  
TG: youre dating a troll???  
TT: I suppose I am. Is there a problem with that?  
TG: but…  
TG: i thought you were american  
TG: omfggg  
TG: yaaaaaassssss  
TG: dave comin THRU w tha 3 yr old vine references  
TG: you know it  
TG: i am the goddamn king of vine references  
TG: all these preteens from 2015 will bow down and grovel at my fucking feet  
TG: theyre gonna beg 4 forgivemess  
TG: for ever believing they could reach my level?  
TG: wat else?  
TG: you know what  
TG: roxy  
TG: you can be my vine meme queen  
TG: LOLOLOL no ty davey  
TG: wait  
TT: Let me guess.  
TT: You're about to say something along the lines of "wait no i didnt mean it like that roxy i just meant i wanted to rule alongside you not that youre hot im not calling you ugly if i werent your brother id totally hit that i mean wait no"  
TT: You can stop typing Dave, we've embarrassed you all on our own. No assistance needed.  
TG: what  
TG: just what  
AT: iF i'M, hONEST, i FEEL TERRIBLY,  
AT: oUT OF PLACE,,  
TT: Shhh. Just let the siblings flirt until they tire themselves out.  
AT: i, tHOUGHT HUMANS HAD AN, uH, iSSUE WITH INCEST?  
AT: nOT TO BE, xENOPHOBIC, oR OFFENSIVE,  
AT: tHAT WASN'T MY INTENTION, tO BE, uM, cLEAR  
TT: So did I.  
TT: I believe that question would have to be one directed towards Dave.  
TG: oh my god  
TG: i dont want to fuck any of you  
TG: it was just a slip up okay  
TT: You did not just use the word “slip” in front of Rose.  
TG: smh davey 4 shame  
TG: don tempt her liek that  
TG: sometimes a cigar is just a cigar right rose  
TT: That quote is a lot less effective when you do it repeatedly, Dave. Also, there's no actual conclusive evidence Freud said that. Also also, the majority of what Freud has said is bullshit and if you'd actually like to appeal to me you should quote someone else.  
TT: But yes, once a century, when the stars are aligned and the moonlight hits the altar just right, a cigar is just a cigar.  
TT: All you need to do now is go a century without talking about how hot we all are.  
TT: Can you manage that, Dave?  
TG: im sorry, dave  
TG: im afraid u cant do that  
TT: There is a 96.15027% chance that Dave will not manage to go 100 years without insinuating he wants to fuck his family.  
TT: You had to make tha refrance, didn’t you Roxy?  
TG: i had 2 dirk  
TG: u kno i did  
TG: 'sides hal aint so bad  
AT: hAL?  
TT: Hal.  
TT: Hal.  
TT: Hal.  
TG: hal.  
TG: hal.  
AT: wHY ARE YOU ALL, sAYING THAT NAME,,  
AT: rEPEATEDLY,,  
TG: 4 tha meme, tavyv  
TG: for the  
TG: goddammit  
TG: ninja'd ;D  
TG: oops tavvy*** lololol  
AT: i, sTILL DON'T KNOW, wHO HAL IS,  
TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 89% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.  
TT: Ignore that.  
TT: He’s an AI based off of myself.  
TT: I thought we were brothers now.   
TT: Considering my artificial sapience and all.  
TT: I never said otherwise.  
TG: dirk dont b mean!!  
TG: ur still mai best bro hal  
TG: tied w dirk n dave ofc  
TT: That warms my kokoro, Roxy. I'll cherish this log forever. Literally forever.  
TT: Because you're an AI?  
TT: Because I'm an AI.  
AT: iS THIS, a PRANK  
TG: diiiiiiirks  
TG: ur confusign th poor baby  
TG: look @ him  
AT: }:?  
TG: lololol  
TG: are those bull horns  
TG: you keep using them  
AT: uH, yES,,  
TG: dude  
TG: thats rad as hell  
TT: Dave.  
TT: Is that excitement I see? Dare I say it, a genuine emotion?  
TG: it was ironic  
TT: Of course it was.  
TT: Everything is, after all.  
TT: All the best irony is slightly genuine, Rose.  
TT: And in this case, completely genuine?  
TT: I'm only breaking my habit of lurking in the shadows to add to the chain of TTs.  
TG: saem but 2 break it  
TG: :3  
TG: youre all evil  
TG: completely and unabashedly evil  
TT: Okay, Dave.  
TG: ok dirk  
TT: Okay, Dave.  
TG: ok dirk  
TG: ok dave  
TG: ok roxy  
TT: This conversation took quite a while to devolve into "Okay, x." I believe we've broken a record.  
TT: Okay, Rose.  
AT: uHM, oKAY, dIRK  
AT: };D  
TG: tavros  
TG: i love you  
AT: uHH,,,,,,,,,,,  
TT: I believe that, with that, I'm going to take my leave. I have a matesprit to interrogate.  
TG: yeah i actually have shit to do today so  
TG: later tav  
TG: gonna close this now  
TG: hal make sure to actually save these logs and print them out please i want to frame them  
TG: its gonna be beautiful  
TG: anyways  
TG: bye  
turntechGodhead [TG] closed memo on board unbelievable bars factory


End file.
